Navitas: Latin for energy; get up and go

I don’t recall when I first heard the term “dark night of the soul.” It is most often used to describe a spiritual crisis. It goes all the way back to a poem by the 16th-century, Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic, and priest, St. John of the Cross. The poem narrates the journey of the soul to a mystical union with God. Over the years, it has often been used to describe any challenging time, period of depression or questioning the meaning of one’s life.

I’ve experienced a few dark nights in my scariest, most fearful, depressed and suicidal times. Periods where I’ve given up, and have no idea what to do next. I’m in torment; questions spinning and racing through my mind. I beg, plead, and pray for help, for support. I cry, sob, rant and rave. Eventually I fall asleep exhausted.

In the past I’ve interrupted these releases by attempting to end my life. Frustration and impatience boils over as my desperation does not get an immediate response, answer or change. After a suicide attempt, I would get support. Sometimes it would be in a hospital but my needs were met. I could fully exhale and surrender. It took me years to realize I could be supported without attempting to end my life, and years more to see I could have emotional releases, feel sad, angry and fearful without having suicidal thoughts or impulses too.

Three days ago I had a self-induced dark night of the soul. After three weeks of fear, sadness or tears showing up each day I was now furious and in a rage. I screamed at my wife over our finances. I was completely out of control and I hated it. So I isolated myself in a dark spare bedroom and I prayed. I meditated. I did energy work. I cried. I repeated Ho’oponopono over and over (I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.). I surrendered to the Divine, to whatever support, guidance and assistance I have. I asked for Archangels, Guides, Masters to help me release this torment. Dying crossed my mind, but not in any sort of ‘that is what I want to or should do’ way. My wife came and tried to talk with me. I ignored her. I tuned out the little whisper I could hear/feel that said just talk to her, stop this act. But I didn’t. The old part of me, my ego, was louder. Old patterns insisted that I be quiet, isolated and feel tormented and that I ignore my wife so that she would feel a bit of this pain too. I wanted to punish us both. Looking back, I believe it was the feelings, energies and tendencies that I’ve been releasing making their last stand.

I had a similar experience the last time I felt suicidal. In December, 2015 I had suicidal thoughts and even did some planning, yet there was a bigger, clearer part of me, a newly more powerful and louder aspect of me, that knew I was not going to take part in any self-harm. I felt and believed it was this old suicidal energy and identity showing up again so that it could leave me – hopefully once and for all.

Since this experience I’ve researched how other people define the Dark Night of Soul. Eckhart Tolle says

“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression.  Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.  Sometimes it’s triggered by some external event, some disaster perhaps, on an external level.  The death of someone close to you could trigger it, especially premature death, for example if your child dies.  Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning – and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important, and the meaning that you had given your life for some reason collapses.

“It can happen if something happens that you can’t explain away anymore, some disaster which seems to invalidate the meaning that your life had before.  Really what has collapsed then is the whole conceptual framework for your life, the meaning that your mind had given it.  So that results in a dark place.  But people have gone into that, and then there is the possibility that you emerge out of that into a transformed state of consciousness.  Life has meaning again, but it’s no longer a conceptual meaning that you can necessarily explain.  Quite often it’s from there that people awaken out of their conceptual sense of reality, which has collapsed.”

Pastor and therapist, Chuck DeGrout, states what he sees as three truths about the Dark Night of the Soul:

  1. Dark nights provoke deep questions.
  2. Dark nights are spiritual and psychological.
  3. Dark nights provide opportunity for growth.

I could not agree more and I’ve felt a deeper acceptance and validation since reading about the experiences of other people.

I encourage you that if you encounter this sort of dark and heavy emotion coming into your life, find a way to embrace it. Be willing to feel it. Be willing to ask your deep questions. Question everything. Allow your own Dark Night of the Soul. Don’t expect immediate, instantaneous change, but KNOW that every thought and feeling that you allow to show up is leaving you. Don’t fall into the trap that I have many times that the pain and shit you feel IS you. It is not. It is your system working wonderfully to release what you have outgrown and what no longer serves you.

I’ve spent months, intending daily, that I was willing to let go of all that no longer serves me. I feel rather dimwitted to admit that I didn’t think such a process might bring me discomfort. I learned that some things that no longer serve me are things I’m still very much attached to. They are identities, patterns and aspects that I see are part of my uniqueness that truly don’t support me, yet I only let go with a fight. I was only able to let go of them after a Dark Night of The Soul. I used to think that I needed to die, but the reality is I needed to be willing to let part of my die. I had to let my “egoic sense of self,” as Tolle puts it, die. I can kill the illusions without killing me.

When I first woke after my recent “Dark Night” I didn’t want to start the day. I didn’t experience any miracle. Nothing profound happened during the night. But as that day and the next unfolded I began seeing that all I had been asking for was showing up. The synchronicities of people reaching out, my own elevated mood, days free of fear and with much more peace, as well as inspired actions, and new clients and opportunities. It slowly dawned on me that I do indeed get what I’m asking for. I don’t need to rely on being depressed or suicidal. I’m not served by insisting on my perceived uniqueness or my egoic identity. My healing, my power, my service comes when I surrender all that I think I am (the obvious bullshit and the things I think are wonderful) when I am willing to let all that go I can truly connect to Source, God, the Universe, Faith… whatever you want to call it, and it makes a difference.

Dark Night of the Soul

Very excited to be hitting the road this month and visiting expos in New Hampshire and Pennsylvania where I’ll be offering mini Akashic Records Readings.

First up, I’ll be attending the Web of Light Expo in Nashua, NH on April 22 and 23.
You can get details on the Expo here.

Then, I’m traveling to the Empowered Light Holistic Expo outside Philadelphia PA.
That event is April 28 – 30. If you are in the area, come on out. Get all the details here.

Both events are full of cool speakers and vendors.

Join me in Nashua NH, or Oaks, PA


Web of Light Expo, April 2017
Empowered Light Expo Apr 27 - 28 Oaks, PA

Mama always said, life is like a man in a step class. You never know where to put your feet.

Well, actually my mama never said that, but it sure felt true when I found myself in a step class recently; which is healthier than eating a box of chocolates even when it is frustrating and challenging.

Do your best. Follow your guidance. Accept and realize that your best will vary from day to day.

I hope you find your next step class that pushes you beyond your comfort zone.


Morning Routine

Do you have a morning routine or do you suffer from routine mornings?

Today is a wonderful day because I choose to make it so. My day, every day, starts with me writing that down.

The secret to a productive and happy day is creating a morning routine that starts your day with a mood and outlook that you want to have. This prevents routine mornings of being on autopilot and letting your mood be decided by outside circumstances and people. The secret to a happy and productive life is creating lots of happy and productive days.

If you want a new way to kick off your days, consider my free meditations. You get them when you join my email list

Beautiful Day


Introduction to eBook Publishing with Andy Grant

Circles of Wisdom, Andover, Massachusetts
Register at:
Date: Thursday, March 30, 2017
Time: 7:00 pm – 9:30 pm

Now is your time to join the ranks of international best-selling authors. Really! This is more than possible as a result of attending Introduction to eBook Publishing.

This evening workshop is for anyone who has thought about writing a book. With so many people now reading from electronic devices instead of actually purchasing books the world of eBooks is exploding. In addition, publishing your own eBook is so much easier than the often long and drawn-out process of publishing a traditional book.

In this class we’ll explore:

  • Why you should want to write an eBook
  • Differences between eBooks and traditional books
  • How to get world’s biggest store working for you
  • Formats, tools, & templates
  • And much more

Join me for this enlightening class as we learn more about the many advantages of eBook Publishing on Thursday March 30, 2017.

Hope to see you soon!

Circles of Wisdom, Andover, Massachusetts
Register at:
Date: Thursday, March 30, 2017
Time: 7:00 pm – 9:30 pm

Web of Light

I was recently a guest on the Web of Light Show talking about and demonstrating Akashic Records Readings. I’ll also be at the Web of Light Expo in Nashua New Hampshire on Saturday and Sunday, April 22 and 23, 2017. Come say hello and enjoy the many offerings including mini Akashic Records readings from yours truly.

Come out and play on Earth Day Weekend, April 22 and 23 at the Web of Light Expo, Nashua, NH
Visit for all the details

April 22-23, 2017
The Courtyard Marriott
2200 Southwood Drive
Nashua, NH

Web of Light Expo, April 2017

Hope to see you soon!

Today has not been my best day. Luckily, I’ve been holding on to some old treasure for just such an occasion. In this video I read some notes from other people for the first time in almost four years.

Don’t hesitate to throw your knapsack over the wall, and keeping filling people’s buckets.

Happy Knapsack

This is the children’s book that inspired the bucket filling exercise. Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

This weekend I took part in staffing a New Warrior Training Adventure weekend. This is the very event that I completed as an initiate less than five months ago. It is a powerful, transformative weekend put on by The ManKind Project. If I was in charge of the world, it would be mandatory training for all men.

Staffing was fun, challenging, awe-inspiring, emotional, and so much more. I saw many familiar faces from my original weekend, both men who staffed it and some new brothers who went through it with me. Some men had seen my videos and podcasts, so I got to be the center of attention at times, and also witness and observe many powerful moments. On the final day I had the opportunity to bring a lot of laughter to the weekend, which was a total blast.

I honestly cannot recommend the New Warrior Training Adventure enough. I will be definitely be staffing again. There is even a women’s version of the weekend called Women Within.

Proud and honored to be, Fun-Loving Chipmunk. As a man among men, I love unconditionally.

Fun-Living Chipmunk

Check out the Real Men Feel episode where I shared my experience going thru the NWTA weekend last October. Real Men Feel 32: New Warrior Training Adventure Report.

PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) seems to be everywhere in recent years. Since 60% of men and 50% of women will experience at least one trauma in their life, it isn’t much of a surprise.

PTSD is a mental health problem that may develop after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening event, such as combat, a natural disaster, a car accident, or sexual assault. It could begin as upsetting memories, a feeling of being on edge, or trouble sleeping. It can increase in intensity and make normal daily activities such as going to work, going to school, and spending time with people very difficult. Severe symptoms of recurring nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, depression and even suicide can occur.

For the past six months I’ve been training and practicing a new technique designed to greatly alleviate PTSD and PTSD-like symptoms. The primary technique is called Neurokinesis and it is an intervention, not a therapy, counseling or medication. This intervention works directly on the brain. Once your learn it, it is a tool that you can use at any time.

Some of the very cool features of Neurokinesis include it being content-free. Meaning that you don’t need to share or relive any past experience. You won’t keep telling your story. Whatever you choose to work on is up to you and can remain private. Working with me doesn’t require a diagnosis or medication, and Neurokinesis doesn’t interfere with any medication you might be on.

PTSD isn’t only caused by war, assault or natural disasters. PTSD can develop from any level of trauma including divorce, death of a loved one, bullying, and unfortunately much more. There is even Secondary PTSD which can develop in someone exposed to a person with PTSD. The trauma could have happened to you, been witnessed by you, or you could love someone battling PTSD and end up with symptoms of your own. It is insidious.

If you or anyone you know is looking for help with PTSD and PTSD-like symptoms, please reach out to me and lets talk. I’m very excited with the gains I’ve seen people make with Neurokinesis and some of the other techniques I have been certified with. From the very first session, you’ll experience a difference. The recommendation of five weekly sessions can have you well on your way to being in charge of your life again. Contact me at


What if nothing is wrong? What if your brain is doing exactly what it is meant to, trying to survive you.

I’ve been Galactivated!

This weekend I took part in a magical, mystical, bizarre, silly, powerful, indescribable event known as a Galactic Activation. This was thanks to my involvement with The Modern Mystery School and it happened on the one year anniversary of my Life Activation, and since I did a before and after video for that, I did again for this. This event was over two days, so this video has four segments, and a few of them might even make sense!

Galactic ActivationLearn more at:

I’ll share an update on this in the coming weeks or months to share how things have changed for me since the activation.

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